Of holidays and complicated families

Do you have a complicated family? Jesus did.

The mother who miraculously conceived him, marveled at his interactions with the rabbis in the temple and watched him grow up to be an exemplary big brother still felt she knew what was better for her adult son.

The brothers who marveled at the fine wine poured from those six stone water jars at the wedding in Cana (jars they may well have helped fill with water earlier that day) still did not know what to do with their big brother’s unprecedented words and actions. The only category they could come up with was that Jesus had really “lost it!” The apostle John tells us Jesus’ brothers didn’t believe in him. (John 7:5)

While he was busy saving the world, Jesus’ own family members seemed to be trying to save him from himself. What irony. Mark records that his family “went out to seize him.” They were certain he was “out of his mind.” (Mark 3:21)

Even more painful for Jesus must have been the time his family tried to interrupt his teaching. That day, the crowd was so thick his family couldn’t get through to him. When Jesus heard his relatives were outside trying to get in, his response was to gesture to his listeners and say, “Here are my mother and brothers.” (Matt. 12:48-50)

Pain was written on his face when he said that. I am certain. Regret that his own family did not know what they were doing. “For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother” Jesus said. Could he have wanted anything more than for his brothers and mother to be part of this transcendent family from the start, rather than at the end when we find them all worshiping him in the upper room after his resurrection and ascension? (Acts 1:14)

For many of us, the holidays are complicated when those we love don’t know what to do with us. Making faith a priority just feels wrong to them. Our “strange” need for fellowship with other Christians and our desire to grow in God’s word seems like distorted reality to them. When some of us travel half-way around the world to minister the gospel, when others of us sacrifice to support those who go, those outside of Christ’s family can find no rational categories for such behavior.

As love sometimes compels those closest to us to oppose us, it is love that has the best chance of winning them over. Jesus demonstrated that love while dying on the cross as he gave his mother into John’s care. (John 19:26). I have to believe it was that consistency of Jesus’ love, combined with an unfaltering faithfulness to his calling, which finally won over his family.

What better hope is there, for those of us who find ourselves complicating the holidays among those we love?


© David G. Goodman
President, Entrust

The Halloween conundrum

Zombies, ghosts, witches, vampires and mutants cursed with supernatural powers; you’d expect primitive cultures to go there. So why, in striking contrast to Western society’s scientific rationalism, is every conceivable supernatural manifestation celebrated each year by educated people who are supposedly convinced otherwise? In fact, Hollywood produces a steady stream of paranormal themes because it sells; movie viewers can’t seem to get enough.

Why?

 Consider this analysis from BloomburgView:

“There’s a reason for the pull of the pagan. In the U.S., we’ve been vigorously scrubbing our schools and other public spaces of traces of monotheistic religion for many decades now. Such scrubbing leaves a vacuum. The great self-deception of modern life is that nothing will be pulled into that vacuum.”

Indeed.

Some might conclude such a vacuum exists because we humans are still early in our evolutionary process, but it seems more likely that God created us for a vital relationship with himself and, lacking that, we fill the void with crass imitations. This fascination with the supernatural is a form of age-old paganism in contemporary dress.

“But it’s all in fun,” some say. Perhaps. That very statement seems to reflect a desire to rationalize, somehow admitting we’re not entirely comfortable with this fixation. It is true, we do yearn for heroes, for some supernatural savior to rescue us from the hardships of this fallen world. Some would tell us that long ago mankind created a story of one such otherworldly figure who came to save us. The temptation exists to file that account with all the other superhero stories.

Jesus, unlike some ghost who leaves no footprint, fulfilled prophecies written centuries before and changed the course of history, with his own contemporaries documenting his impact. The question is, will we align ourselves with the current cultural worldview about supernatural forces, or will we accept Jesus as the real answer to our need for a supernatural savior?


© David G. Goodman
President, Entrust

How to be a critic people love

It seemed I was everyone’s target all evening … and not a single shot missed. I was the chair of that planning-committee-meeting-turned-nightmare many years ago. One member came to me privately after the meeting and bluntly told me I was blowing it because I was way too defensive. By then I was quite ready to start firing back, but I didn’t. Why? Because I had no doubt this man really cared for me. Not trying to win an argument or show me up, he, unlike any other person in the group, said this to me out of love.

I treasure my relationship with him because of what he told me that evening. Was it pleasant to receive his criticism? Not at all. But it was good … like swallowing the nastiest tasting medicine you can imagine, but a medicine which quiets your fever and gets you out of bed the next day.

When the Bible says “iron sharpens iron,” (Prov. 27:17), this is not license to take your blade and start slashing everyone near you. Far from a sword fight, the image is that of taking two knives and using them to sharpen each other. Sure the metal gets hot and the sparks fly, but the result for both is desirable because the intent is constructive.

To be a critic people love, cultivate a group of critics around you—people who are committed to you the way you are to them. People who are convinced you really want them to tell you the things you need to hear are the people who will also be able to hear your criticism of them when they most need it and love you for it.
The best critic is the not the one who is merely right, but rather the one who has earned the right to be heard in a way that changes things for the better. That only happens when the critic is someone you trust. Who do you trust more than that one you are already convinced loves you?

In short, the way to be a critic people love is to love them convincingly before there’s a need to criticize.

David G. Goodman
President, Entrust